I posted this on my Facebook page after a recent visit to the gym. I amused myself so greatly after reading it later that I decided to post it on this blog that nobody reads, as well. I do enjoy a good chuckle from time to time.
(Rant starts below…)
All right, I just have to say this one thing: If you are going to go to the gym, then WORK OUT. Do not sit on a machine sending and receiving text messages while an angry, evil-eyed, sweaty woman impatiently waits to use the machine (actually USE it) that you are instead covering with your stationary, lumpy, office-spread ass.
I am SO tired of people being inseparable from their cell phones and Blackberries at the gym. On top of that, the gym is busy enough as it is at the end of the work day. If you are using a weight machine as a place to park your lazy rump and chat with people on your super space-cadet cell phone, you are putting yourself at risk for something I might call Gym Rage.
Gym Rage is when the evil-eyed, red-faced, heavily-perspiring blonde woman with a braided ponytail shows up in your personal space with arms folded and lips curled in a pure estrogen-bathed fury. Without warning, she snatches the device from your slimy, ferociously-texting fingers and attempts to shove it down your ugly throat.
If you happen to be perched on the last machine in her workout circuit, her limbs may be tired by this point and she will instead hand the device to the next small child who is spotted running visibly faster than any adult on the premises. If you’re lucky, you may someday find your parasitic twin at the bottom of the waterslide or floating in a toilet inside the family locker room.
(And don’t even get me started on the B.O. and the farters…. just what in the hell do these people put into their bodies?!)
